


Consequences of the Court

by Takara_Phoenix



Series: Shadowhunters Episode Tie-Ins [7]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Bottom Jace, Caring Simon, Cuddles, Elaine Lewis is a Good Mom, Episode Tag, Episode: s02e14 The Fair Folk, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Jace Feels, Jace deals with his problems, M/M, PTSD Jace, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Simon, Shounen-ai, Slash, Slow Burn, Top Simon, Vampire Diaries is Simon's favorite show and you can fight me on it, later on, post episode, thanks to Simon and Elaine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-02
Updated: 2017-07-07
Packaged: 2018-11-22 09:04:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11376990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Takara_Phoenix/pseuds/Takara_Phoenix
Summary: This takes place directly after 2x14, the episode happens exactly as it does.Simon is trying to deal with what happened at the Seelie Court. He's not doing much of a good job of it, because he's mainly moping around. His greatest source of comfort, surprisingly, comes from Jace and the two of them slowly start forming a friendship that helps them both through a tough time.





	1. Steps of Friendship

Jimon || Shadowhunters || Jimon || Consequences of the Court || Jimon || Shadowhunters || Jimon

Title: Consequences of the Court – What They Truly Desire

Fandom: Shadowhunters: The Mortal Instruments

Disclaimer: All rights to the Shadowhunters reserved to Ed Decter, the books the Shadowhunters is based off and its characters belong to Cassandra Clare. This fanfiction on the other hand is entirely mine. No money is made with this, though reviews are more than welcomed.

Warnings: shounen-ai, fluff, hurt/comfort, PTSD, explicit intercourse, anal

Main Pairing: Simon/Jace

Side Pairings: Magnus/Alec, Simon/Clary (past), Clary/Jace (one-sided)

Shadowhunters Characters: Jonathan Christopher 'Jace' Wayland, Simon Lewis, Elaine Lewis, Isabelle Sophia 'Izzy' Lightwood, Alexander Gideon 'Alec' Lightwood, Magnus Bane, Clarissa Adele 'Clary' Fray, Lydia Branwell, Maia Roberts

Summary: In the Seelie Court, Clary kisses Jace and not Simon, revealing who she truly desires. That's the end of their relationship, because Simon won't be her replacement for something she can't have. Confusingly enough, his greatest source of comfort is... Jace.

**Consequences of the Court**

_What They Truly Desire_

_Part 1: Steps of Friendship_

Simon was holed up at home, in his room. Now that he was a Daylighter, there was no reason not to move back home. He was so much less conspicuous, he could live with his mother again without raising suspicion. He just couldn't stay in the boat house. Honestly, it had never been a good solution, as a vampire to live among wolves. But now even worse, considering the basically-father of his _ex_ -girlfriend was the leader of the pack. Simon needed some distance. He also needed some time to sort his thoughts and it only made him even more upset that Clary couldn't seem to accept that. She kept texting him and calling him and banging against the door of the boat house. Ever since he had moved in back home the day after they had returned from the Seelie Court, at least Simon had his mom as a puffer. He had told her. Told her about breaking up with Clary, about her cheating on him, about needing some time, about wanting to be home again.

Because it _was_ cheating. Even if it had only been one kiss, under duress at that. But it wasn't about the kiss itself. It was about the _reason_ behind the kiss. Clary had kissed Jace because he was the one she desired the most. Not Simon, not the boy she _was dating_ , the boy she had told _she loved_. No, it was Jace. It was still Jace. Of course it was Jace. Jace was gorgeous and strong and basically perfect. Obviously would Clary pick _him_ over little, nerdy Simon. Not even thinking Jace was her brother for months had changed _that_. Of course not. But that wasn't even the real problem.

The real problem was that _despite_ that, Clary had still chosen to be with Simon. Even though she didn't love him, not enough, not the most, she chose to be with him. Even though she knew how much he had loved her, how devoted he had been to her, she still decided that her oldest and most loyal friend's feelings weren't valid and important enough to be respected. All he was was a rebound. He had always been there for her, he literally died for her, but she still thought that using him to get over Jace was okay? She had been the center of his life for years and... and all he was to her was a means to get over being in love with her brother? She had told him there was nothing. After he had learned _from Isabelle_ that Jace wasn't Clary's brother, she had assured him that there was nothing. Sure. Jace was still the one she desired the most. So she had lied to him about that too.

It was just... He was her best friend. He had been her best friend for so long now, she knew he loved her. How could she do that? How could she think that he was _convenient_ enough to help her get over her feelings for Jace? And then... he didn't even succeed in it? They had been dating for two months now and she still desired Jace more than Simon. How was he supposed to feel about that?

"Simon, honey?", asked his mother softly when she knocked on his door. "You have a visitor."

"I told you, I don't wanna see Clary", grunted Simon, voice flat and grave.

"It's not Clary. It's the handsome blonde one. I'm sorry, what was your name again?", replied Elaine.

"Jace", supplied a cocky, amused voice.

"...Jace?", asked Simon confused and slowly sat up. "What?"

The door opened after a moment, revealing a concerned Elaine and a grinning Jace. Though Jace sobered up a little when he looked at Simon. The blonde seemed borderline uncomfortable.

"I'll go and make you boys some sandwiches. Simon hasn't eaten all day", declared Elaine.

"Thank you, Miss Lewis, that's very thoughtful of you", smiled Jace charmingly.

The same surprising charm that Jace had displayed with the Seelie Queen. Simon frowned as his mother left the two boys on their own. Jace slowly closed the door and leaned against it, just looking straight ahead at Simon. Simon stared back, unblinking.

"What do _you_ want?", asked Simon when the silence stretched on too long.

"I...", started Jace, looking unsure of the answer himself. "I guess I wanted to see if you're okay."

"...What? Why?", asked Simon confused. "Shouldn't you like be on a date with Clary?"

Jace huffed, arms crossed over his chest. "I don't want her. Not like that. Not for months now."

"...What?", grunted Simon once more, staring at Jace in utter disbelief.

Jace shrugged, leaning heavily against the door behind him. "I spent months believing she was my sister. Seeing her in a... seemingly happy relationship. I started seeing her as my _sister_. Learning that we're not blood... it didn't just flip a switch in my brain. I didn't... I didn't think that despite everything, she was still into me... especially not... when she started dating you." Jace paused for a moment, slowly wetting his lips. "I haven't talked to Clary about it yet. She... chose to be childish about it and has been avoiding me since we got out of the court. The one time I'm willing to talk about feelings and I'm shut out. Sure." He snorted a little and shook his head. "Anyway. She's been... comforted and coddled by Izzy since we got back from the court and... I guess I just wanted to see how you were doing with this, since she's not just your girlfriend but also your best friend."

"I'm... fine...", replied Simon with a wince to it.

"That was very convincing", snorted Jace amused.

A knocking on the door interrupted them and Jace pushed off it to open it. Elaine smiled at him and handed him a plate of sandwiches. With the plate in hand, Jace walked over to Simon's bed and flopped down next to him, legs folded and plate placed on his lap. Simon watched him for a moment how Jace dug in and started devouring the sandwiches with the gusto of a starving man.

"I was pretty stupid, huh?", whispered Simon softly as he continued watching.

"For walking close to a bleeding tree in a magic fairy land and getting you and me nearly strangled by thorns? Fuck yeah", grunted Jace around a mouth full of sandwich. "These are good."

"Yeah, my mom makes great sandwiches", chuckled Simon with the smallest smile. "No, not for the tree. Well, maybe also for that, yeah. I probably shouldn't have wandered off in the fairy land. No, I mean... thinking that I would actually get the girl. It was stupid."

"Why?", asked Jace confused while grabbing a second sandwich.

"Look at you", snorted Simon, motioning vaguely at all of Jace. "You're like _perfect_. She had feelings from you from the start. It was stupid of me to think she'd just shake them off like that. It was stupid of me not to see it. See that in all the years we've known each other, all the years I loved her, she has _never_ seen me that way. But when she needs a way to get over being in love with her brother, she all of a sudden realizes that I'm a valid option to date...? It should have been obvious."

There was a frown on Jace's face and for a moment, he looked like he wanted to argue. But there was too much truth to Simon's words to argue. Simon knew it. The realization had come to him after about ten straight hours of pacing and wallowing in self-pity and anger.

"I'm not perfect", disagreed Jace with a deep frown. "I'm so fucking far from perfect."

"Well, you do have your flaws", agreed Simon with one raised eyebrow.

Jace snorted and flipped Simon the finger, actually getting a smile out of the vampire. "So... will you... be alright? I mean. Shit, I don't know. Honestly, I don't even know why I'm _here_."

"Because you care", offered Simon, both eyebrows raised. "We're... kind of... friends, I guess?"

Jace made a face at that. "Don't tell anyone about it though. It'd ruin my reputation."

This time, Simon's smile was a bit larger. "Sure. We can't have that."

"So... aside from laying on your bed sulking... what were you planning on doing?", asked Jace.

Simon frowned confused. "Do you... plan on staying? Did you get hit on the head or something?"

"Fuck you", huffed Jace and flipped him the bird once more. "I'm just seriously bored. Clary has been avoiding me for the past three days since we got back from the court. Izzy is constantly hovering close by her and trying to comfort her, which means I don't get to see her either since Clary is avoiding me. And Alec and Magnus are working through some... problems. You might have noticed, my social circle isn't the largest. I'm bored. Entertain me."

Simon snorted. Yeah, that sounded more like Jace. He watched how the blonde finished the last sandwich and licked the mayonnaise from his thumb while staring at Simon expectantly.

"Okay, but you are not going to like it", stated Simon seriously, deciding to get some entertainment out of this for himself. "Ever since I got turned, I've been working through vampire-shows. Started with the best – _Buffy_ – of course, then continued with _Angel_ , watched _Moonlight_. And I was actually planning on rewatching _Vampire Diaries_. We... Clary and I, we used to watch it together back when it first aired. And now, for the past three days, I've been kind of... glaring at the DVDs."

" _Vampire Diaries_?", asked Jace very confused. "What's that?"

"A show about vampires and vampire hunters and werewolves", shrugged Simon. "That's been kind of the theme since the bite, you know? And the final season recently aired and I've meant to watch it front to back since then anyway, so, yeah..."

Jace must have been really very bored. "Okay, sure. Whatever."

Simon just stared at him for a long moment, but then he put the DVD in at vampire-speed, before Jace had the chance to change his mind. Simon just didn't want to be alone and wallowing in self-pity anymore. He was so tired of it. Maybe... Jace was tired of being alone too? Maybe even being with Simon was better than being alone? Well, right now, Simon was going to take it.

And that was the big problem, wasn't it? It was what he had done with Clary. He had been so willing to take everything he could get, like a starving dog begging for scrapes. But he was done with that now. No more. He... He was going to be selfish now. Yes. That sounded good. Selfish. He was going to do things for himself now, he was going to have standards. Rules.

Rule number one: He deserved to be with someone who wanted to be _with him_ , not with him because the person they actually wanted to be with wasn't available right now.

"What are my chances that you got snacks?", asked Jace hopefully.

...Okay, he was going to start with rule one tomorrow. For now, even a Jace so bored out of his mind that he came to Simon was better than being alone and staring dramatically at the ceiling.

/break\

After a week, Simon carefully considered that perhaps rule number one was in place even when Jace was there. Because... Jace kept being _there_. He had returned the day after, a tiny bit awkward and definitely beat-up, saying that they have had a long mission and he was exhausted as fuck and could use something to turn his brain off. Two days later, Jace turned up again, looking even worse for wear, saying that he had chosen to come to Simon to avoid the debriefing. When Jace showed up for the fourth time, he stopped coming up with an excuse and just sauntered over to Simon's bed and flopped down on it like a cat claiming territory. Now, exactly a week after Jace had first showed up checking in on Simon, Simon got home to find Jace already sprawled out on the bed with a bowl of popcorn sitting next to him. Only that the blonde was asleep. It was the fifth time this week that Jace had shown up at Simon's place and it had also been the first day that Simon actually left the house again. He had been to the _Hunter's Moon_. For a gig. Then he got home and his mom told him that an hour ago, Jace had shown up. Simon wasn't really sure what to do with the sleeping blonde.

Frowning thoughtfully, Simon decided to sit down next to Jace. He marveled at how peaceful Jace looked. Honestly, Simon had enjoyed the past week. He really had. Jace was giving a fun running commentary on every stupid decision made on the show, or giving bad voice-impersonations when 'fixing' dialogues, he complained about the overly intense drama or inaccurate depicting of the supernatural. But it was _fun_. Simon still wasn't quite sure what had brought Jace to him that first night, if it really had been worry or boredom or pity or something else entirely, but by now he was sure that the reason Jace came was because Jace _wanted_ to be here. Because they were friends.

"...Hey. You're back", yawned Jace, voice rough with sleep. "Took you long enough."

"Oh. Sure. Sorry I wasn't at your beck and call when you keep dropping by without any notice beforehand", huffed Simon and rolled his eyes.

"Well. You haven't left the house in over a week", offered Jace. "There wasn't much reason to give you any notice beforehand. But good for you for getting out again. First step and all that bullshit. Now that we covered the emotional conversation, can we continue with the show?"

"You're so hooked", teased Simon with a broad grin.

"Eh. Damon is hot, it's making this whole experience easier", shrugged Jace thoughtfully.

"W—What?", sputtered Simon wide-eyed. " _Damon_? Not... uh... Elena...?"

Jace made a face at that. "No. Caroline and Bonnie, yeah. Elena? Not so much my type. I'm not into those stereotypical 'plain but beautiful, always brunette and innocent wallflower who is thrust into this magical world' types. But out of the bunch, Damon is _definitely_ the hottest." Simon continued staring at him kind of stumped. "What? I'm pan. It's not a secret or some kind of big revelation. You already saw me hooking up with Seelies, Shadowhunters, warlocks. Why would gender matter?"

"Right", grunted Simon awkwardly. "Sorry. Just kind of didn't see that coming. Huh."

"It's... not a problem for you, is it? You don't have a problem with Magnus either", asked Jace.

"No. No it's not. Really!", yelped Simon hastily. "I was just surprised, is all. Now I've moved past surprise. See? Not surprised anymore. So, let's continue watching, okay?"

Jace grinned just a little as he nodded. "Okay. Sounds good. It's been a long, exhausting day."

And Simon felt just a little warm at that. Proud, in a way. That Jace seemed to be able to relax here, with him, after a long, exhausting day. It was a weird feeling, if he was being honest, and he didn't want to dwell on it. Or on the fact that Jace thought the dark-haired vampire was the hottest character on _Vampire Diaries_. Instead, he pressed play and sat down next to Jace on the bed.

/break\

"Thanks for the food, Elaine. We'll eat upstairs."

"Absolutely no problem, Jace", assured Elaine with a smile. "At least with you around, Simon is eating properly again. Go and enjoy your movie marathon."

Simon watched with a certain amount of fondness how Jace took their food while Simon took their drinks. It was honestly not a surprise to Simon that nearly three weeks into this weird new friendship and ritual that Jace and Simon had going, Jace had started calling Simon's mom by her firstname. He was just decidedly too charming if he wanted to be and Elaine had easily been charmed. It also helped that Jace ate for two, selling the illusion that Simon was eating. Which was beneficial for both of them; Simon wasn't blind, he had noticed that ever since Jace had been rescued from Valentine's ship, the blonde had lost a lot of weight.

"So... I've been thinking...", drawled Simon awkwardly as he put in the DVD.

"Nothing good ever came from that", noted Jace dryly.

Simon huffed, but he didn't take offense in it. It was a quip. Jace was quipping with him. No serious insult meant – and Simon _knew_ that. Honestly, Simon was still reeling from how things had shifted.

"You told me that things between you and Clary are still awkward", started Simon slowly, Clary's name still tasting bitter on his tongue. "That... Alec decided to put you two on different teams."

"Ye—eah, thanks for the rehash", grunted Jace a bit confused. "Clary's on a team with Izzy and Sebastian now. It's... kinda weird for me, I guess. I always went out with Alec and Izzy. It was always the three of us. Always. With Alec as the head, he's not... going on missions anymore."

"And I know you know like all the Shadowhunters at the Institute and stuff, but...", started Simon, fidgeting a little. "I mean. We were a good team, right? So, maybe... I could tag along, to your next missions? As... backup, or something? I've been kinda bored, holed up at home. I'm done sulking. And... And I _do_ want to help, in this... war. If you'd..."

"Sure", interrupted Jace with a half-shrug. "But you _gotta_ sign up for some training. Your hand-to-hand combat skills are still mortifying. But yeah. I'd... I'd take some backup that didn't whisper behind my back about me being a traitor and son of Valentine when I got out of the City of Bones."

"Really?", asked Simon, still a little surprised.

Jace shrugged indifferently, but Simon guessed a little that maybe Jace was even a little glad about Simon offering. The blonde _was_ overly exhausted. Had been for months now, if Simon was being honest, but he hadn't paid that much attention to Jace, hadn't spent that much time with Jace before this. Now, Simon was noticing. The obvious lack of sleep, the exhaustion. Being on a team with people he didn't trust a hundred percent was so not helping that. And Simon also thought that maybe part of why Jace spent this much time here – four days a week Jace would at the very least drop by to watch a couple episodes with Simon, late in the evening after missions – was because Jace didn't know where he belonged. As far as Simon knew, Jace was still living with Magnus, which must be kind of awkward too, having to live with your best friend's boyfriend. Maybe Jace came over to flee whenever Magnus and Alec were having sex...? Simon tried not to think about _that_.

"Why didn't you move back to the Institute? After Aldertree left, I mean", asked Simon curiously.

"Have you _been_ to the loft?", asked Jace, both eyebrows raised. "It's awesome. Having a live-in warlock with portals is great too. And since Alec spends every second that he's not working or training over at the loft... it's kind of... my only chance to spend some bonding time with my parabatai too." Jace paused for a stretch and turned back to looking at the screen. "Besides, most still don't trust me. They were whispering when it was revealed I'm Valentine's son. Just because I'm not his _blood_... I'm still his _son_. I was raised by him. They think my loyalty lays with him nonetheless. And right now, living at the loft also makes it easier to avoid Clary. I mean. We... talk, again. But... it's so weird. So... awkward. What is it with me and people I think of as siblings being in love with me? First Alec, then Clary. Seriously. I'm half afraid Izzy will confess next."

He made a disgusted face and Simon couldn't help but laugh. "I think you're safe."

"Let's hope so", grunted Jace and yawned widely.

"Long mission?", guessed Simon with the slightest amusement.

"Ye—eah", sighed Jace. "This whole 'looking for the Mortal Cup' thing is getting tiresome."

"Let's watch some vampire love drama", declared Simon with a grin.

Two episodes in and Simon noticed a weight on his arm. Frowning, he turned his head and realized that Jace had quite literally fallen asleep on him. Blinking a couple of times, Simon tried to decide on what to do. Wake Jace? No. Definitely no. The blonde _was_ way too overworked. He needed all the sleep he could get. So instead, Simon decided to turn off the TV. He very carefully removed the plates from the bed and adjusted Jace to lay more comfortably on said bed. He even tucked Jace in, not that he'd tell Jace because the blonde would probably rip his head off for it. For a while, Simon just sat there and read a book, after texting Magnus from Jace's phone that he'd be staying the night, because literally the last thing Simon needed was for an overprotective parabatai to come barging in and aiming an arrow at Simon's head, thinking Jace was in some kind of danger or had been abducted again. Things were actually peaceful for about an hour or two.

That was until Jace started grunting and trashing in his sleep. Simon frowned confused and put his book aside. By then, Jace had moved on to _whimpering_. That was a sound Simon never thought he'd hear from Jace. Jace's breath was labored, erratic.

"No... N—No...", whispered Jace, fighting against an invisible enemy in his sleep.

Simon's eyebrows were knitted together even more as he reached out for Jace and started shaking him gently. "Jace? Man, come on, wake up. Jace, it's just a dream. Wake up."

It took a moment, but then Jace jerked awake, gasping for breath. His eyes were wide and frantic, looking around the room like a caged animal. Right, Jace had never actually stayed over. He was probably confused where he was. Simon carefully pushed himself into Jace's line of sight. And then the _oddest_ thing happened. Jace hugged him. Jace. Hugged. Him. And not just a brief hug, no, Jace was actually clinging onto him like a lifeline. Simon was completely overwhelmed by that.

"You're alive", whispered Jace barely audible.

"W—What? Yeah. I mean, no, since I'm a vampire and all, but yeah?", offered Simon confused, gently returning the hug and pulling the still slightly panicked blonde closer. "It was just a nightmare. Whatever it was. It wasn't real, Jace. Everything is alright."

For a couple of minutes, Simon just held Jace, waiting for the blonde to calm down again, at least a little. When Jace's breathing slowed down and his iron-grip on Simon eased off just a little, Simon brought enough distance between them to look at Jace's face. There were tear-streaks marring his features and Simon wondered how he hadn't noticed that Jace was crying.

"Jace", whispered Simon softly. "What... What did you dream about?"

"I...", started Jace slowly. "I... activated the Soul Sword. But... things went differently this time. You... You died. And Clary hated me for it. Raphael died. And Izzy hated me for it. Magnus died. A—And... And Alec hated me for it. And... And I was... alone."

Tears were welling up in those mismatched eyes and Simon found himself pulling Jace back into a tight, comforting hug. "No. No, we didn't. Magnus is perfectly fine and probably currently cuddling with Alec, who does _not hate you_ and who would _never hate you_. And Raphael is fine too, he's still a pain in my ass but he's fine. Izzy doesn't hate you. Clary... Clary doesn't hate you either. You're not alone, Jace. You're not alone. I'm alive. I'm right here."

He kept whispered soft versions of that and holding Jace, gently running his fingers through surprisingly soft, blonde hair, until the Shadowhunter fell asleep again in his arms. But even after Jace was asleep once more, Simon couldn't find it in himself to let go of him. He had never seen Jace that vulnerable before. Heck, he hadn't even been aware that Jace could _be_ that vulnerable. And he could kick himself for it. After everything Jace had been through, of course it would leave its mark. The exhaustion... it wasn't just from the long missions. It was from Jace not sleeping due to nightmares. That was why he kept coming over, watching silly shows until late into the night. Because it was a good distraction, a reason to avoid sleep and thus avoid the nightmares just a little longer. Simon felt his heart ache for the blonde and he pulled Jace just a little closer.

/break\

When Jace woke up, he was surrounded by something that made him feel safe. He was laying on something solid, having that kind of wrapped around him. He hadn't felt this... content and safe in a while. Especially not in the morning. Normally, he'd just wake up cranky and exhausted after a long night of falling from nightmare to nightmare, crying until exhaustion made him break down and forced him to sleep at least a little after all. Slowly, he cracked one eye open to see where he was and what the hell was going on. The first thing he saw was a _Star Wars_ shirt under his hand. A chest. A guy's chest. Not the first time he woke up with a stranger in bed. But when he looked around the room a little, as far as his vision allowed it without moving, to prevent himself from waking whoever he had gone home with last night, he noticed that he knew this room. He knew it. He had been here far too often in the past three weeks. It was Simon's room. Jace frowned. And then he blushed when one hand moved gently up his spine to play with Jace's hair. It was oddly soothing, the gentle caress, nearly like a massage. Jace closed his eyes in bliss. He couldn't remember the last time he had been touched with such gentle, tender care. The hug he had gotten from Alec on the rooftop the day he had told Clary about them not being siblings... That had been the first positive physical contact that Jace had allowed himself since he had been freed from the City of Bones. It was just that every physical contact at all reminded him of the pain – the pain on the ship and the pain in the City of Bones. This felt nice, especially when Simon's other arm tightened around his waist, keeping him close and safe. Jace relaxed in the hold, leaning into the touch subconsciously. He just wanted _more_ of it. But then the fingers disappeared.

"Uh, you're... awake", noted Simon, sounding a bit embarrassed.

Jace cussed a little in his head as he looked up some. "Yeah. Morning." He paused as he sat up and pushed his hair out of his face. "We're... _never_ going to talk about last night again. Ever. If you tell _anyone_ that I... _cried_ , I will personally punch your fangs out, understood?"

"Y—Yeah. Totally. Crystal-clear", nodded Simon hastily, staring at Jace a bit intimidated.

"Good", grunted Jace and got up. "I need to get back to the Institute. See you... around."

"Sure. See you", agreed Simon and paused for a moment. "And... call me, for the next mission."

Jace grunted in confirmation as he practically fled the room.

/break\

Simon was sitting at the kitchen table, arms crossed and chin on them. He had been wrecking his brains ever since Jace had run out of his bedroom this morning. Jace was in pain. He was still suffering from the Soul Sword incident and probably from _so much more_. Like the years of child abuse he so had suffered from Valentine – there was no way that didn't happen – and on the ship when he had been abducted and in the dungeons of the crazy Shadowhunters.

"Why do you look so gloom?", asked Elaine concerned as she entered the kitchen in the evening. "I thought your new friend had helped fix that. Is this about Clary? Did she drop by again?"

"No. She... She's currently respecting that I need some time", sighed Simon and shook his head. "It's about Jace, actually... He... He has some problems..."

"Yes?", asked Elaine attentively as she sat down opposite Simon. "What kind of problem?"

Simon hid a half-smile at that, because his mom had already grown fond of Jace. He mulled things over and decided to try and tell his mom a mundie-acceptable version of Jace's story.

"Jace's dad... he was... abusive", started Simon slowly. "Like, real bad. And he's been out of Jace's life for years now, but he... he recently came back. And it's... wearing Jace down. He stayed over last night and in the middle of the night, he started scream really loudly. I just... I want to help him."

Elaine hummed thoughtfully. "You know, your friend Isabelle, she is doing really well. You can be proud of her. I saw her at the meeting earlier this week. We got sidetracked by talking and then got ushered out because the next group needed the room. A PTSD meeting, lead by a very charming young soldier. Trauma can be... very different for everyone and from what you're saying, your friend has been through some trauma. Maybe a group meeting would help him."

Simon raised his head with a thoughtful frown. That was actually a really great idea. The only problem was to convince Jace. He did not see the blonde Shadowhunter caving easily.

/break\

It took Simon a solid three days to convince Jace to give it a chance.

It happened after a mission, the second mission that Simon went to tag along with Jace and his new team. They weren't bad people, but Jace was by far not as in sync with them as he was with Isabelle and Alec. For Jace's sake, Simon really hoped that things with Clary would somehow work out. The two of them went to the _Hunter's Moon_ together to get a couple of drinks. And they had a great time together, until Maia had to say something about the Soul Sword and Jace was out of the bar faster than Simon could even digest what had been said. He frowned and turned to Maia.

"Stop that", hissed Simon protectively.

"What?", asked Maia surprised.

"Stop it. You keep doing that. Whenever you see Jace, you rub it in that he activated the Soul Sword", growled Simon angrily. "And I'm really tired of it. Yes, your pack-mates died and other innocent Downworlders died, but it was _not his fault_. He only touched the stupid sword because he thought he could destroy it. And that would have killed him. He would have _died_ to protect us all. And just because he was lied to, he now has to take your crap for it? No." Simon took a deep breath and his glare darkened. " _No_. You will stop treating him that way, Maia. I don't expect you become best friends or something, but at least stop treating him like _scum_."

"When did _you_ become best friends?", asked Maia skeptically.

"Well... Well we _did_ ", grunted Simon with a frown. "So please, for me."

Maia heaved a long-suffering sigh and shrugged. "Fine. Whatever. Just... keep him away from me."

"Yeah, that sounds like the best idea for everyone", nodded Simon.

He left with that, determined to track Jace down. First, he tried at the loft, just be sent off by a very displeased and half-dressed Magnus who had just been in the middle of something with Alec. Not knowing where else to look – and still avoiding the Institute – Simon found his way back home, where his phone was so he could call Jace and ask where he was. Just to find Jace sitting at the foot of Simon's bed, folded together with his knees against his chest and his arms around his legs.

"Jace", sighed Simon relieved. "I was so worried when you ran off, man."

"Right. Sorry. Needed to get out of there", grunted Jace, staring onto the floor.

"Jace...", started Simon very slowly as he sat down opposite the blonde. "Remember what I told you about? The... The meetings? _Please_ consider going. Just going. Check them out. Maybe they'll help you. Maybe not. But at least you went and tried saw for yourself."

"Whatever", grunted Jace in defeat. "As long as it'd get you off my back with the stupid meetings."

Simon straightened his back with a broad, pleased smile. "So... you wanna watch something?"

"Sure", shrugged Jace and slowly got up to climb onto the bed.

/break\

Jace didn't know what he was doing these days. He had gone to Simon after they went to the Seelie Court because... because Jace wanted someone to talk to. It felt awkward talking to Alec about Clary – after all, Alec was another sibling who had fallen for Jace. Isabelle seemed so concerned with comforting Clary, because Clary showed how much this was getting to her, she cried and asked for help. Jace didn't _do_ those things. He didn't ask for comfort. He just stood tall and strong and choked on his tears until he felt like he was drowning in them.

And then he started going to Simon's regularly. Because the constantly blabbering dork was the perfect distraction for Jace. And this _Vampire Diaries_ was actually kind of really growing on him too. Especially Damon. And being with Simon was surprisingly easy. No need to think about Wayland-Herondale-Lightwood, about the Calve or anything. Just stupid nerd-babble that went on and on until Jace forgot the burdens of being a Shadowhunter. Not to mention, Elaine Lewis was a great cook. It was nice, being over there. He enjoyed hanging out with Simon.

Still, he didn't know why he had allowed Simon to talk him into going to a mundie self-help group. Like that kind of stuff was going to help him. But he had agreed, so he would have to because he wasn't going to disappoint Simon. Their friendship was still way too fragile and new. Jace was so tired of disappointing people. So he went. He went and sat there in silence and listened to their stories. There was a charismatic young soldier named Phel who kind of lead the group. He kept conversations going, used a soothing voice to calm people. It was on Jace's third visit to the meetings where he just sat silently in the background that Phel approached him during coffee break.

"You know, we got a lot of young folks coming by. Just sitting in and gawking, curious to hear war-stories", started Phel casually, his dark-green eyes sparkling as he regarded Jace. "But you're different than that. You don't flinch. Not even at the more gruesome details. You're someone who has seen more than he should have in his life already. So, I just want you to know that if you ever feel like sharing the things you saw, you're in a safe space here, with people who understand."

Jace just grunted and refrained from commenting otherwise. Instead, he drank his coffee.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this was supposed to be like a 5-page-ish oneshot because the Seelie Court scene made me want to see a Jimon story where it's not just "Simon or Jace has to chose between Clary and the other boy" but instead one where the kiss happens as it did, only that while Clary has feelings for Jace, he does not have feelings for her. Somehow, the story just decided to grow, getting Jace's PTSD involved and wishing to deal with like all the drama.
> 
> So, at page 15, I decided to split this up into a three-parter. First part focusing on the slow-forming friendship of Jimon, the second one focusing on them healing and mending things with the others and in the third part, you'll get all the love and also some smut because it's me. I plan on posting all three parts within the week, because whatever canon is going to do with the next episode will certainly not comply with anything I'm writing here.
> 
> I just really don't want Simon to put on a smile and forgive Clary right away - I do want them to get back to being friends, yes, but I'm pretty sure the show is going to rush that and quite frankly Clary doesn't deserve instant forgiveness; Simon has a right to be angry and to want some distance.
> 
> Anyway, as previously mentioned, the next part will focus on the healing. Meaning that Jace is actually going to open up during the next meetings. Where, by the way, I'd like to say right away that I have never been to a group meeting before, much less one for PTSD, so I'm writing them the way I picture it going and the way I think would be most helpful for all parties involved. I just need my precious puppy to deal with his pain.


	2. Steps of Healing

_Part 2: Steps of Healing_

It only happened during the fifth meeting he attended that Jace actually spoke up for the first time. He had come straight from another mission. One where they had a run-in with Valentine, because of course had that bastard escaped prison. It had been the first time in weeks that Jace had seen him.

"Well, if no one else wants to share, I think we could...", started Phel with a friendly smile.

"I would...", said Jace softly, looking down at his hands in his lap.

"Yes?", asked Phel gently, looking at Jace curiously.

"I mean. It's... a long story? I don't think we have time for it. No, forget it", grunted Jace.

"No. If you have the impulse to share something, then do it", urged Phel on. "And you don't need to share your whole story in one night. How about you start with one thing? Whatever you're comfortable sharing. And then you can share more the next time, if you feel like it."

The others in the room murmured in gentle support. Jace frowned, unsure where even to begin. There was just _so much_. And he had to mundie-fy it somehow.

"I'm Jace", started Jace softly, shifting a little. "And when I was ten, I watched my father being brutally murdered." He paused for a moment while some of the others gasped. Stories about kids always got to everyone; most here had suffered their traumas in the service of a greater good – marines, soldiers, a policeman and a fire fighter. There was one girl who had been sexually abused by her uncle, another guy who had gone through shitty, abusive foster parents. "I mean, he was a shitty father. The kind who'd break your bones to teach you a lesson. He... He once gave me a pet-falcon and ordered me to train it. I managed, endured the scratches and taught it to obey. And... And when I showed it to my father, all proud, he... broke my falcon's neck, right in front of me. I had nightmares about the crunching sound of breaking bones for weeks. My father, he told me that... that I made a mistake. That I disobeyed, because I was told to train the falcon, not to love it. And to love means to destroy. That's... my father's most important lesson. That love means pain." Jace took a shaky breath, a frown on his face. "I believed him. I grew up, thinking that it would be safer not to be loved and not to love. Until his death. I got adopted by this awesome family. They are great."

He shifted again and averted his eyes, silently signaling that he was done. That he didn't feel comfortable enough sharing more. But this was probably a start, he guessed.

/break\

"I... told you about my father last time", started Jace unsure when, at the end of the next meeting, he shared again. The others hummed in confirmation, most with compassion in their eyes. "What I... didn't mention was that... He's not my father." Jace took a slow breath, relishing in that one sentence. "He's not my father. Not biologically speaking anyway." For a long moment, Jace sorted his thoughts. "He killed my parents. My biological parents. Made it look like an animal attack, so the police just assumed I was dead. But he... abducted me. Raised me as his son."

Some were frowning as they watched him, others looked surprised at that reveal. But most just looked contemplative. Digesting his story, but not judging him. Which was a theme with those meetings and which was the reason he had decided to speak up after all. "I didn't know that. Not growing up with him, not growing up with my adopted family. I only learned that when... he entered my life again, months ago. Had _faked_ his death. H—He just showed up. Not even for me. For his biological daughter. Made us believe, for a while, that we're siblings. For a while, I thought I knew who I was. That I was her brother, that I... had her. Which didn't last long. He... abducted me again. A second time. When he came back, he came back to get her and me to join his... cult."

Jace took another breath and frowned thoughtfully. "Damn. When I put it to words like that, it sounds insane." He laughed hoarsely for a moment. "I didn't want to. He hurt me. Broke some bones. Lot of bones. Starved me. Played with my mind. At one point, I managed to escape, with my not-sister's help. She was... so strong. For the both of us. She was the kind of sister I would have loved having. But... when he realized that I would never cave, that he'd never get to turn me into his poster-boy second-in-command... he told me the truth. That I'm not his son. That a walking disappointment like me could never be his son. I don't know, I guess... I guess his real son died. Her real brother died. And he cracked. He cracked and abducted me and tried to forge me into some kind of replacement, maybe that made sense in his crazy mind. I don't know."

Jace snorted, a sardonic half-grin on his lips. "He took everything from me. He left me with absolutely nothing. He took my parents from me. He took the sister I was slowly growing closer to away from me again. He took my childhood from me. I grew up completely isolated, with only him around. He took... He took that life I had built up for myself in the past thirteen years because he came back and reminded me of _everything_ again and took _even more_ by telling me the truth. I don't even have a _name_." Jace inhaled sharply at that. "I... don't even have a name. Jonathan Christopher. It's... It's not even mine. It was the name of his son. His dead son. And my parents died before I was born. I don't even have a name... I don't... even know if I'm a... a... _person_..."

He stared straight ahead with wide eyes, tears gathering in them at that realization. It was why he had gone to this meeting today, because some jerk at the Institute had said something. How he would always be a Morgenstern now because he was raised by Valentine. How he was using being a Lightwood and being Alec's parabatai to get what he wanted at the Institute. How he would be using his status as a Herondale soon enough too. But Wayland wasn't his either, it was a name Valentine had stolen from a man he had murdered. At that realization, he had realized that his first and second name, they actually weren't his either. He didn't even have a name that belonged to him. He didn't even have that much. And what was a person without a name? Was he even a person?

"Don't let him dehumanize you", piped Joss up, a very gorgeous brunette who had been in a row of abusive relationships. "Never let someone else take your identity from you."

She rarely spoke up, mostly just listened. And normally, they tried to keep advise and talking over other people's shares to a minimum. But sometimes, when someone was spiraling down in their thoughts, the gentle words helped. Joss was smiling at him, her dark-blue eyes shining with warmth.

"But I don't _have_ an identity", argued Jace. "My name doesn't belong to me. Everything I did for the first ten years of my life, I did to obey him. Everything I did in the following thirteen years, I did trying to defy his legacy, to be better and greater. And everything I did since he entered my life again... has been a mess. A failure. It... always ends badly."

"You just said your name is Jonathan Christopher, right?", asked Joss softly, looking curiously at him. "But when you first shared, you introduced yourself as Jace. Isn't that... something? Something that belongs to you? Or did he give you your nickname too?"

"No", grunted Jace with the smallest, softest grin. "That... My brother gave me that nickname. My adopted brother. He's... kind of the most important person in my life. He's always had my back."

"Sounds to me like you got a comrade you can rely on", grunted Ray ruffly.

Ray was older than Jace, even older than Joss and Phel. He was the gruff looking guy who had definitely seen too many battles in his years of service. Lost too many comrades on the field.

"I do", confirmed Jace softly. "More than one. I have those... people. They're just... there. And fight at my side. Give me strength. I don't know what I did to deserve them, or what I'll need to do to keep them around, but I'd give the world to keep them safe."

"Then they're it", offered Joss with a small smile. "They're your identity. You define yourself not through the people who _hurt_ you, but through the people who love you and who you love."

Jace frowned thoughtfully at that and nodded slowly. "Thanks. For listening."

Jace only half-listened to the shares that followed his, because his mind was too distracted trying to sort through what Ray and Joss had said. Maybe that could be true. Maybe he could define himself not through Valentine's upbringing or some vague Herondale-heritage. Maybe he could define himself over Alec and Simon and Isabelle and Max and Magnus and Clary.

"J—Jace. What are _you_ doing here?"

Jace startled a little. He had basically zombie-walked out of the meeting and nearly ran straight into Isabelle. His eyes widened surprised when he took in the other sister he had. She looked angry.

"Did you follow me here?", wanted Isabelle to know. "I told you and Alec that I'm fine. I'm doing fine. On my own. You don't need to spy on me during meetings, you know?"

"Jace. How nice to see you", greeted Elaine with a pleased smile as she rounded the corner and came to stand next to Isabelle. "Oh? Do you two know each other through Simon?"

"I... uh... she's my... sister", offered Jace confused, looking at Izzy. "How do _you_ know Elaine?"

"She's... She's my... sponsor. Simon introduced us", replied Isabelle, now looking confused herself. "So wait, if you're not here to spy on me, why are you here?"

"I was...", started Jace, heart skipping a beat because the only two people who had known that Jace had been going to those meetings in the past three weeks were Elaine and Simon. "...at a meeting."

"What? You?", asked Isabelle, eyes widening in horror. "W—When you pulled the-"

For a long moment, Jace looked confused before he caught on. When he had pulled the Soul Sword. When Simon had nearly drained him. She thought he was here for the same kind of meetings as Elaine and Izzy were. Addiction. She thought he had gotten addicted to vampire venom.

"No. No", whispered Jace softly and grasped her shoulder. "I'm... I'm meeting this group. They... We... deal with... PTSD. After everything that happened... Simon kinda suggested it."

Elaine watched them with a pleased smile, as Isabelle's face morphed into pain on her brother's behalf and she pulled him into a tight hug. The hug conveyed more than words could, at least while in the presence of a mundie. The two Shadowhunters exchanged a brief look.

"I... Elaine, I'll be right behind you. Just give me a moment with my brother", requested Isabelle.

"Of course", smiled Elaine amused. "I'll see you inside, Isabelle. And I'm assuming I will be seeing you when I get home later, Jace. There's still left-over dinner in the fridge."

"Thanks, Elaine. You're the best", grinned Jace.

Together with Isabelle, Jace left the building. They walked just a little farther, to talk in private.

"You're going to... meetings? To talk about...?", started Isabelle softly, surprised.

"Everything. Sans the demons", shrugged Jace awkwardly. "The abduction. The... abuse. Stuff."

"Oh. Uhm...", drawled Isabelle, unsure how to continue. "I just... Why didn't you say something? You know Alec and I, we've been worried insane about you ever since you were taken by Valentine. Have... Have you told Alec? He's been pacing for months now."

"No", admitted Jace and averted his eyes. "I've only been going for three weeks. I wasn't sure... if it was even going to... help. I didn't want to give him false hope. You know Alec. He always worries about me. Telling him I'm getting help would get his hopes up and if it didn't work, that'd only... make me feel even more like a failure. I didn't..."

"You didn't need the pressure of maybe disappointing Alec", whispered Isabelle knowingly.

"Know that feeling, huh?", chuckled Jace humorlessly.

"He doesn't mean it, but... his approval is so important that it hurts to disappoint him", agreed Isabelle with the smallest smile. "So, is this where you've been disappearing to lately? Alec complained to me about it. That you're barely at the loft anymore."

"Well, I mean...", drawled Jace with a shrug. "I've been hanging out with Simon a lot."

"Oh my gosh, you made a _friend_ ", yelped Isabelle teasingly. "Aw, so cute."

"Shut up", huffed Jace and elbowed Isabelle.

"...I miss you", stated Isabelle, sobering up a little. "I'm sorry. I feel like I got into the middle of a divorce between you and Clary there. I love you, Jace. You're my brother, but... it feels like Clary didn't have _anyone_. With her mom gone, with Simon avoiding her, with things between you and her being awkward... I'm sorry, please don't take it personally."

"No. I... I get it", whispered Jace and shook his head. "Honestly, I'm glad you were there for her when she needed someone. I miss you too. I miss her too. I miss Alec too. I kind of just... just want the old days back, you know? Before Alec became head of the Institute, before the Seelie Court."

"Me too", whispered Isabelle back as she pulled him into a hug. "But... you and Clary, you're talking again, right? I saw you sparring with each other lately. Will... we be a team again?"

Jace winced at that, rubbing his face. Him and Clary had started acting normal around each other again two weeks ago. For the past four weeks, they had been carefully closing in on each other again. They managed to move past it. They had managed to move past kissing and thinking they were siblings. They had moved past realizing they weren't. They would move past Clary's feelings for him. Sometimes, she would stare longingly at him, especially during training, and then things would get awkward again for a little bit, but overall...

"I can't. Not as long as Clary and Simon don't clear things", replied Jace and shook his head. "We've been going on missions together lately. And it's going pretty great actually. With me training with him, he's improved greatly. And as long as Clary and Simon are still not talking, I can't go back to teaming up with you and Clary, because then he'd feel left out..."

"So, Clary got me in the divorce and Simon got you?", chuckled Isabelle and shook her head. "But yes. You're right. Those two _need_ to work through their differences. So, how about I try sweet-talking Clary and you try sweet-talking Simon?"

"Sounds like a plan", agreed Jace amused.

"And...", added Isabelle after a moment. "Talk to Alec. Please. He's really worried."

"You're right", agreed Jace softly. "Yeah. You're right. I've been a shitty parabatai. _Again_."

"You're not", disagreed Isabelle gently. "You're... suffering. And you're trying to deal with it, without knowing how exactly you're supposed to. It's okay to be overwhelmed."

"Thanks", whispered Jace and pulled her into a hug. "Thanks, Iz. And... tell Elaine I won't come over today. I think it's time I head home and talk to my parabatai."

"Will do", promised Isabelle pleased.

/break\

Alec was in the middle of making out with Magnus when the door opened and his parabatai slipped in. It was early, was the first thought passing through Alec's mind. Lately, more nights than not, Jace would only come home after three in the morning. Sometimes even not at all.

It was already bad enough that Alec, as the head of the Institute, was too busy to go on missions with Isabelle and Jace. Now, now it felt like Jace was pulling away from him. Ever since that mission where Alec had sent Jace and Clary alone to the Seelie Court, things had been strained. It had been a stupid decision. Alec knew that. He knew it. Clary was untrained, she didn't respect Downworlder customs, didn't respect Shadowhunter customs, she didn't know _a thing_ about Seelies. And then she decided to bring her equally untrained and oblivious boyfriend along 'just because'.

"Can we... talk?", asked Jace softly as he entered the living room.

"Sure. Yeah", nodded Alec hastily and climbed off his boyfriend's lap.

The fact that Magnus didn't even have a snarky comment was a tell-tale at how much this was affecting Alec, because Magnus wanted them to talk too. The three sat together on the couch.

"I ran into Izzy", started Jace slowly. "When she went to her meeting. I... just... came from one."

"A meeting?", asked Alec confused.

Jace nodded awkwardly and Alec could feel the nervousness through their bond. He reached out and took Jace's hand to squeeze it gently in support. Jace looked grateful at that, smiling a little.

"Simon... convinced me to go to a PTSD group meeting", admitted Jace, wetting his lips in a nervous habit. "I... didn't want to tell you sooner because... I didn't even know if it'll help."

"But... But it is? Helping, I mean?", asked Alec anxiously.

"...I think so", nodded Jace thoughtfully. "Yeah. I think they do help."

Jace grunted a bit as he was pulled into a relieved hug by his parabatai. "I've been... so worried about you, ever since we got you back from the City of Bones, Jace. And when you kept... disappearing lately, I got even more worried. Don't do that to me, parabatai."

"I'm sorry, Alec. I really am", sighed Jace and took a shaky breath. "I've just... been trying to deal with stuff. Stuff I didn't even know how to talk to you about."

"What? Why?", asked Alec, sounding nearly offended.

Jace flushed and averted his eyes at that. "You know what happened at the Seelie Court from our reports. And... I guess it's just kind of been... getting to me. I had accepted her as my sister. It was why telling her she wasn't had hurt me so much. And..." Jace paused for a moment, not quite comfortable. "Being... Being bound by those vines, being helpless, defenseless. It... I didn't really take that so well. Having Clary kiss me, while I couldn't even protest, even though I really didn't want it... Fuck, it sounds so stupid and ridiculous, but... but..."

"You felt used", supplied Magnus very gently. "You felt... not quite assaulted, but also not comfortable in your own skin with what was happening, what was being done to you. It's something many young men struggle to admit. And it can be even harder when you feel like it's nothing 'important'. It was 'just a kiss', after all, wasn't it? As long as it made you feel uncomfortable in your own skin, as long as it was forced on you, it's valid for you to feel the way you do. You have every right to be uncomfortable with that situation, Jace."

"But... it was just a kiss. And it wasn't like she had a choice. Simon and I would have died if she hadn't kissed me", whispered Jace with a frown, looking upset. "But... having... her tongue in my mouth was _awful_. Having her kiss me like that. I... I think of her as a sister. I didn't _want_ it."

Alec stared in something akin to horror. That thought had never before crossed his mind in the past weeks since that mission. That Clary wasn't the only one avoiding someone here. That Jace was also avoiding her, because he felt this way. And Alec understood it. As much as he could anyway. After all, the only person he had ever kissed had been Magnus. And kissing Magnus was amazing. It was so intimate, it made him feel connected to Magnus on a level that was somewhere between gently loving and passionately filthy. Thinking on kissing Isabelle like that? Being forced to kiss Isabelle like that? It made him feel uncomfortable and weird and also invaded. And of course Jace wouldn't feel like his feelings were valid – he _never_ felt like his feelings regarding _anything_ were valid – but with his reputation, with how many girls he had kissed, he probably thought that kissing shouldn't be anything special. Alec sighed and pulled his parabatai back into a tight hug.

"Jace, I don't... I don't want you to deal with your problems on your own", whispered Alec gently. "You can always come to me. I'm... I'm glad you're going to those group meetings, especially if they're helping, but... you can... always come to me."

"I know", assured Jace, burying his face in his parabatai's neck. "I know, Alec. I didn't not come to you because I don't trust you. I just... I had to work that out on my own. So I did."

"And that's where you've been disappearing to lately?", inquired Magnus curiously.

"Well. Yeah, I guess", shrugged Jace with a frown. "I've been spending a lot of time hanging out with Simon. He's a great distraction for turning off your brain, you know."

He said it jokingly, but it fell somewhat flat. Not convincing. Alec frowned suspiciously.

"Okay...", nodded Alec, unsure what else to say to that. "But... can you like, start saying that? When you go to him? Because you just disappear. And I worry. I already worry enough about not being on your team anymore and being unable to have your back, Jace."

"You're right", agreed Jace. "I'm sorry. Okay. I think that was feelsy enough for a day. I think I'm going to bed. And I'll be using earplugs so you can be as loud as you want to because _that_ might just be another reason why I've been ditching you guys. You're _super-gross_."

He laughed as Magnus threw a pillow after him. Alec snorted and shook his head before he heaved a deep sigh and snuggled up to Magnus, resting his head on the warlock's chest.

"I can't believe Simon Lewis managed to make my parabatai go and get help", snorted Alec.

"Yes. Quite the... friendship they seem to have formed", drawled Magnus amused.

Somehow, Alec didn't like the way Magnus said 'friendship', but he decided not to dwell on it.

/break\

Simon groaned softly as he collapsed face-first on his bed. The day had been exhausting. He had been on an exhausting mission with Jace, Raj and Lydia yesterday and afterward, he kind of had hoped to take Jace home with him. For their _Vampire Diaries_ marathon. But Jace had been gone so fast, leaving a frustrated Lydia with the paperwork. She had informed him that Raj had said something stupid – what else was new. So Simon had gone home and started pacing.

Because Raj knew how to put his foot in his mouth. And Simon knew that despite his demeanor and his cocky, arrogant attitude, Jace let those things get to him. He knew how much Maia rubbing the Soul Sword thing in had affected Jace. So whatever it was that Raj had said, Jace probably had shrugged it off externally while internally festering his well-hidden doubts and insecurities.

Simon didn't like the idea of Jace being out there alone somewhere if Raj had said something hurtful. And then Elaine had returned from her meeting and told him that Jace wouldn't come over that day. So while part of Simon had been very relieved that Jace had gone straight to a meeting instead of on a demon-killing-spree all on his own, as he would have done two months ago, he was also a bit put-out that Jace wouldn't come over. Which was ridiculous. Of course Jace couldn't come over every night. And he didn't come over every night. But the nights he didn't... felt lonely.

So, after fretting half the night about Jace, Simon had gone through an exhausting day of auditions for his band today. He wanted this. Playing at the _Hunter's Moon_ was amazing. But he just wasn't a solo kind of guy. He missed having someone to play with, someone to sing with.

"So... should I go again because you're tired?"

Simon's head snapped up to stare at the amused looking blonde lounging on his chair. Jace's hair was loose, falling into his face in that cute way that gave him less of that hard edge and more of that boyish charm. And yes, as a man secure in his masculinity and self, he could totally admit that Jace was a gorgeous guy. Ridiculously gorgeous. Anyone with eyes could see that.

"You're here", stated Simon lamely, wanting to kick himself.

"Amazing observation skills. After laying on his bed for two minutes straight, he notices the deadly Shadowhunter in his room", drawled Jace teasingly, one eyebrow raised. "Oh, what a vampire."

"You're not deadly _to me_ ", huffed Simon and rolled his eyes. "How long have you been here?"

"An hour or so, I think", shrugged Jace casually. "Where were you though?"

"...You waited for an hour alone in my room?", asked Simon a bit dumbly. "Why? I mean..."

"Had nothing else to do", grunted Jace. "My roommates were making out on the kitchen table. So I figured I'd invite myself to the Lewis family dinner instead. I think your sister hit on me."

Simon grunted in a slightly strangled way at that thought. "I—I was holding auditions."

"...Auditions?", echoed Jace curiously as he got up and walked over to the bed.

"For the band. Well. A new band, I guess", shrugged Simon with a frown. "I like playing at the bar. It's fun. But... for me, music was never just about the music. It was about being together, creating music with someone as passionate about it as I am. Uhm... so... you... okay? About yesterday?"

"Yeah", nodded Jace with a half-grin. "Meeting helped. And... I talked to Izzy and Alec."

"You... talked to them?", asked Simon surprised, eyes widened a bit. "About...?"

Shrugging a little, Jace settled down next to Simon on the bed. "About going to the meetings. About... how much this thing with Clary has been getting to me."

Simon sighed at that. He knew that the thing with Clary had been getting to Jace. As far as Simon knew, things had been getting better lately. He knew that Jace and Clary were growing closer again, were working on their friendship. And that was good. It was what Simon wanted too.

"What do I say to Clary?", asked Simon thoughtfully.

"What?", grunted Jace startled, looking up at Simon.

"I've been... not talking to her for weeks now. I mean, we started talking again. But it's more like 'Nice weather we have, eh?'. Nothing like it used to be", elaborated Simon. "And... I think I... want that back. I miss her. But I don't really know how we're supposed to get back to that."

"Just... do what you used to do. Talk. About... everything", shrugged Jace thoughtfully. "Honestly. I am so not meant for feelsy conversations, so can we like... just watch TV?"

Simon snorted at that and nodded. They went to get back into their _Vampire Diaries_ marathon. Simon was pretty beat, but it seemed that Jace was too. The blonde was slouched right next to Simon, with his head leaning against Simon's shoulder. When they had started this whole marathon thing, Jace and Simon had been sitting with two feet between them. Now, they were comfortable enough to just sit in each other's space, elbowing each other and making snide comments all the way through the episodes. Watching the show with Jace was amazing. There were different kind of people when it came to watching TV – the ones who sat in total silence and only concentrated on it, the ones who talked non-stop where you had no chance to even understand what was being said on screen and then there was the third category, the perfect category. The people who made snarky or intelligent comments whenever it was appropriate. Jace was that third category.

"Jace? ...Jace?", asked Simon softly when the golden-blonde head was slipping. "...You're asleep."

Jace grunted in his sleep as he slipped further. To prevent Jace from ending up in Simon's lap – because that was one thing Simon wasn't quite sure if he'd know how to deal with – Simon leaned back, laying down on his bed, with the blonde gently slipping closer until his head was comfortably resting on Simon's chest. The vampire had to smile a little.

Honestly, sleeping Jace was probably the best Jace there was. He was so cute. All peaceful and serene, a soft look on his face, the strictly slicked back hair all loose and falling into his face. Not to mention how affectionate Jace was when he was asleep or sleepy.

Simon was aware of how much Jace had been avoiding physical contact since he got out of the City of Bones. The only one he had allowed to touch him had been Alec for the longest time. And it had taken Simon weeks to get the smaller contact, like Jace leaning against him during marathons.

But to have the blonde snuggled up to him like this was utterly and absolutely adorable.

/break\

Waking up in Simon Lewis' bed should _not_ be something Jace was casually okay with. And yet it was. Yet it was. It had happened a lot over the past few weeks. Not too surprising considering that Jace most of the time dropped by right after an exhausting mission.

The part that kind of wasn't supposed to be normal to Jace was the waking up _in Simon's arms_ part. Which, again, was not overly surprising on Jace's end because Jace was aware that he was a cuddler. He had been that way since moving in with the Lightwoods. When he first got to experience positive physical contact like that, without having to fear a backhand. He used to sneak into Alec's room, under Alec's blanket, and he would cling onto the other boy through the whole night. It had started when Jace had been haunted by the nightmares of his father's murder. Often, all four of them would cuddle together – Jace, Alec, Izzy, Max.

Jace hadn't done that in years. He had been working hard on staying strong. On dealing with his own problems on his own. But falling asleep in the same bed as Simon, how was he supposed to not instinctively snuggle up to the vampire? It was purely instinctual, really.

Sighing softly, Jace snuggled up some closer to the vampire, enjoying the firm, comfortable chest.

He couldn't help but think about last night. What Simon had said. Sure, Jace wanted for Simon and Clary to reconnect, but... he frowned at the odd, clenching feeling in his chest he got at the thought of Clary and Simon getting back together. He should be happy about that. Things would get back to normal, fully. But somehow, Jace had gotten used to _most_ of the new normal. He very selflessly didn't want for Clary and Simon to get back together. It'd be best for them, was what Jace told himself. Clary had already unintentionally hurt Simon once before. If they'd mend things and get back together, then things would only fall apart even worse. Simon had already been hurt, he shouldn't be hurt again. He was way too sweet and forgiving and friendly to suffer like that.

Yes. That was it. Jace just wanted for his friends to avoid suffering.

It had absolutely nothing to do with how ridiculously safe he felt in Simon's arms. It had nothing to do with how much Jace enjoyed spending time alone with Simon. It had nothing to do with how much he felt like he could trust Simon, with how much he had been opening up to Simon. And it most definitely had nothing to do with how heavenly it felt when Simon was absentmindedly playing with his hair when the vampire thought Jace was still asleep. Absolutely nothing.

/break\

"Simon. I'm... so glad you called", smiled Clary happily as she approached him.

"We... should talk. _Really_ talk", nodded Simon when the two of them sat down at a table at Java Jones. "We... haven't exactly done that since we got back from the Seelie Court."

"We barely talked _at all_ in the past weeks", offered Clary softly. "I'm sorry. I am. I... was mortified, when I realized that the boy I was falling for was my brother and I tried everything to... to get rid of those feelings. You were _amazing_. You were being so sweet and caring and there. Like you always were." She paused and averted her eyes in guilt. "I know I used you. And I know I had no right to. And... I _was_ falling for you, I really was. Maybe if Jace hadn't found out that we weren't siblings, or if he hadn't told me. But I couldn't stop thinking about it. About the possibilities. And I know I should have been honest with you, about my confusion. It... wasn't fair to string you along."

"It wasn't", agreed Simon fidgeting with his hands. "And I was... really hurt. I was hurt and I wasn't sure how to come back from that. For so many years, being with you was all I wanted. All I could picture. I had our wedding planned when I was ten, you know. When I got to be with you, I was over the moon. I thought hey, even a nerd like me could get the perfect girl."

"Don't do that. You're amazing, Simon. It's not you", argued Clary with a frown.

"I know", nodded Simon as he looked up at her again. "Jace helped me realize that. He's been a great friend to me since the breakup. You can't blame someone for who they love or not love. And I don't want to be forever bitter and angry with you because you made one wrong decision. A hard decision, I know. You didn't want to hurt my feelings when you started doubting your feelings and I guess I can respect that, even if the decision you made based on that was not... right. But we all make mistakes and you've been my best friend since I can think and I want that back. I want us back, Clary. I... I miss my best friend. Do you think... we can ever be that again?"

"I'd love that", smiled Clary strained and tentatively reached out for Simon's hand.

He allowed it and reached out too, linking their fingers with a small smile of his own. "So... How have you been doing? Like, really been doing, not just... small-talk been doing?"

Clary tilted her head and quirked her lips. Simon leaned back to listen to Clary, to get caught up with his best friend's life. While listening to her, he couldn't help but think of Jace. The blonde had been right; just being where they used to be and talking was helping. It really was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaand they're friends. And getting better. And slowly falling for each other, because silly Jace is jealous because he's misinterpreting Simon's intentions. Next chapter, last chapter, they're going to figure out their feelings. With a little help from those around them; Magnus in particular~
> 
> Also, one thing that was important to me was Jace being traumatized by the unwanted kiss but not feeling like his feelings are valid. Because men in general often don't feel entitled to feel sexually assaulted and unwanted kisses are - shockingly enough - very rarely even depictured as sexual assaults. Being kissed against your will, by someone you do NOT want to kiss, is not okay. It is not fine. And supportive!Malec are very important in a non-Malace fic! ^o^v


	3. Steps of Love

_Part 3: Steps of Love_

"I had a roof overhead. Had shoes on my feet. Yeah, sure I was fed, but no one was there when I was in need, yeah..." The voice was soft and sweet. It was gentle and filled with so much underlying pain that it nearly broke Simon's heart just listening to it.

"So who am I now? Who do you want me to be? I can forgive you but I won't re-live you. I ain't the same scared kid I used to be." There was something bitter among the pain, so much emotion that it made Simon want to pull the singer into a tight hug and preferably never let go again.

The guitar picked up and the singer put more fire into it as he launched into the chorus. "I'm gonna live, I'm gonna survive – I don't want the world to pass me by. I'm gonna dream, I ain't gonna die thinking my life was just a lie." There was a pause and the voice fell softer.

"I want to be loved. I want to be loved..." Another short pause and Simon could practically feel the emotions being swallowed so the singer could go on. "I found a picture. Our so-called family tree, yeah. I broke all the branches, lookin' for answers. Don't you know that ain't how it's supposed to be?" The bitterness and pain grew in his voice as he repeated the chorus.

Simon couldn't hold back anymore. He _needed_ to know who in the Institute could sing like that, could sing with so many hurt feelings. And play the guitar. Simon had been hunting for new band-members for days now, but mundies had the downside of being, well, mundies. And most vampires just wanted to get into his band to learn his Daylighter secret.

"J—Jace...", stuttered Simon surprised as he opened the door to the music-room.

There was a nasty sound as Jace's fingers slipped from the guitar and the blonde looked up in surprise. "Uh. Hey. Simon. What... can I do for you?"

"Keep singing. Like, the entire album", suggested Simon wide-eyed as he sat down opposite Jace. "Seriously. It's like Bon Jovi's best album anyway. And your voice is... it's... beautiful."

The praise got him an endearing blush from the Shadowhunter. "Yeah. Thanks. I just... I sing for fun. Hodge taught me how to play the guitar, you know. I... only play sometimes. Guess I felt like it. I also kind of don't sing, unless it's under the shower."

"You should sing more often", encouraged Simon. "You should sing with me."

"...What?", asked the blonde surprised.

"I've... I've been trying to get a band together for the past week now, you know that", elaborated Simon awkwardly. "And you're amazing. And you know about the whole vampire-thing. So no secrets. I'm a fan of no secrets. Join my band. Let's make music together."

"I... I don't know", frowned Jace and tilted his head. "...Okay."

"Okay?", asked Simon and perked up with the brightest smile. "Okay is perfect."

"So, you came here snooping around or did you want something?", wanted Jace to know.

"Right!", yelped Simon and got up. "Alec, he sent me! Mission! You, me, Clary, Isabelle and Lydia. It sounded really urgent, but then I got distracted by the music..."

"Oh, sure. Blame me", huffed Jace as he put the guitar down. "Better hurry, because my parabatai turned into a hard-ass when he became head of the Institute. The power is going to his head."

Jace grinned at Simon and the vampire snorted and shook his head.

/break\

Watching TV with Jace had been one thing, but making music with Jace? Making music with Jace was like the most intimate and amazing thing Simon had ever experienced. Jace was filled with so much pain and so much passion and it all bled beautifully into Jace's music. The pieces they wrote were the most honest and deep things Simon could picture. Jace helped Simon connect with his own pain too, because beneath the goofy smiles and jokes, Simon was trying to bury his own fears.

He was a vampire now. He was immortal. He would never die. He'd one day bury his mother, while still looking like he was eighteen. He would see Rebecca grow old, until she would be too old to even remember who Simon was. And then he would bury his sister one day. And his sister's potential children and their children and their children, until Simon Lewis would only be a faded note far up in their family tree, someone no Lewis had any proper connection to, while Simon would be watching from the shadows, a family that was his and wasn't his at the same time.

Jace helped him channel the angst and fears he had been hiding. Their music was beautiful and deep and a mixture of both their pains. It was breathtaking and Simon had never been prouder.

"So...", drawled Elaine slowly as she and Simon sat together at the dining table. "I don't mean to pry and I'm certainly not judging, but... if your boyfriend stays over, I would like a notice."

"Boy...friend?", asked Simon confused and looked up at his mom.

"Jace. He's been staying over nearly the whole week", chuckled Elaine amused.

"Friend. Not _boy_ friend", yelped Simon flustered. "W—Why would you say that?!"

Elaine frowned confused. "He's been coming over four out of seven days a week for weeks now. And he has been _staying_ over nearly as much lately, Simon."

"Because we got lost in writing songs and fell asleep over it. It's not like that", grunted Simon.

Elaine looked skeptical and raised one eyebrow. "If that is truly what it is, then okay. But... I just wanted you to know that you could _tell_ me. And that you don't need to sneak around with him. I adore Jace. He's been making you happy lately, he helped you through a hard time. He's a good kid. I _would_ approve of him as your boyfriend, if that was what he is."

"Well. He's _not_ , mom", grunted Simon embarrassed.

/break\

"How do you define your sexuality, Magnus?"

Magnus looked up from the potion he was brewing to stare curiously at the nervously pacing vampire. Simon had burst into the loft about ten minutes ago and so far, he had not been able to form a coherent sentence. Just stuttering around and blushing. Magnus had gone back to work, figuring that if there was something Simon wanted to say, he would, at his own time.

"What do you mean?", inquired the warlock curiously.

"Are you... bisexual, or pansexual? Or something else? And how did you _know_?", asked Simon confused. "I tried finding a proper _definition_ , but whenever I found something that was like satisfying – like bisexuals being attracted to men and women, while pansexuals can be attracted to anyone regardless of gender, but then I found some who just defined bisexuals as attracted to two genders and that just got even more confusing and then there are unhelpful statements like 'my friend and I define our sexuality the exact same way, but she feels more comfortable with the label bisexual and I feel more comfortable with the label pansexual' and what the ever-loving _fuck_ is the point in having labels if people who define themselves the same way still pick different labels? Like, doesn't that defy the purpose of _having_ labels? Shouldn't labels be helpful for people by being like... something that has _one_ definition and then unites people who define themselves that way?"

Magnus watched with fond amusement how Simon paced and ranted and basically had a mental meltdown. "Simon, are you having a crisis over your sexuality?"

" _Yes_ ", hissed Simon frustrated, glaring at the warlock. "I've never even _thought_ about labels or possible sexualities! I was always just Clary-sexual. She was the first and only person I ever loved. And she's a girl, so I kinda just... never really questioned it."

"And now... you're interested in someone who makes you question your sexuality?", asked Magnus.

"I don't know", sighed Simon and slumped over. "I mean. I... I didn't even _realize_ I might be interested in him until my _mom_ asked me if he's my boyfriend. I didn't even notice that I'm basically spending all of my free time with him now and I enjoy spending time with him more... more than I ever enjoyed spending time with anyone. And maybe... some of the things... are... not really what I would feel about a friend. So maybe... I'd... _like_ having him as my boyfriend."

"To answer your question", started Magnus gently. "I don't define my sexuality. I don't see any benefit in labels. I've lived for so many centuries now, Simon. I saw humans define and redefine terminology, I saw them struggle through labels, change their views on what was acceptable. Creating more and more labels, separating themselves more from others. I see more harm in labels than good. I am who I am and I love who I love." At that, Magnus paused for a moment and regarded Simon. "That is only my personal assessment however. I know for Alexander, it was very helpful in coming to terms with his own identity. Many see labels as helpful."

Magnus smiled kindly as Simon frowned and continued pacing. He could practically see the nervous energy radiating off the vampire. This was rather entertaining. Magnus was truly curious to see how much Simon would grow with the centuries. One day, Magnus would be looking back to days like those and miss the awkward fledgling vampire.

"Yeah. I think I like your method", grunted Simon determined. "Yeah. Just... no labels. Easier."

"For what it's worth, Simon", added Magnus gently. "I think you and Jace are rather cute together."

"W—What?", sputtered Simon wide-eyed, cheeks dark-red. "H—How...?"

Magnus aimed an amused look at Simon. "I live with Jace. I know how many days he's been over at your place lately. It's... an insane amount of time he's been spending with you. And I notice that he's happier these days. More at ease. He gained weight, lost those dark bags beneath his eyes. You're _good_ for him and from what I can tell, he's also good for you. He helped you over Clary, didn't he?"

"Y—Yeah", nodded Simon awkwardly. "We're friends. Good friends."

Magnus just regarded Simon with amusement dancing in his eyes.

/break\

Simon Lewis was irredeemably in love with Jace... Lightwood. These days, Jace preferred to go by Lightwood. Whatever the last name of choice, Simon was definitely in love with him and he had no idea how it had happened. It just did. Jace had wormed his way into Simon's life, Simon's house and Simon's heart and now, it seemed, there was no way of getting him out of either of those.

That realization came to Simon in the morning, two days after talking to Magnus and three days after his mother's casual comment about Simon's relationship-status. Before that, he had been freaking out about whatever it was that was going on with his feelings for Jace. But this morning, Simon woke up with Jace cuddled up to him, one hand clawed into Simon's shirt, nose buried in Simon's collarbone and one leg thrown over Simon's. And when Simon looked down at Jace, both his arms securely wrapped around the blonde's waist to hold him close, Simon realized that Magnus was absolutely right. It didn't matter what kind of label he would subscribe to, all that mattered was that he was in love with this blonde cuddled up to him. And that thought was scary.

"Hng...", grunted Jace in his sleep, snuggling up to Simon even more, laying half on top of Simon.

Simon smiled fondly at that, resting one hand on Jace's lower back, while his other hand slowly wandered up to play with Jace's hair. That should have probably been Simon's first clue, he mused. The fact that Simon didn't just like to hold Jace, but that he also liked playing with Jace's ridiculously soft hair. Running his fingers through Jace's hair gently, Simon continued watching Jace. Jace was so serene and sweet when he was asleep like this. Simon could really get used to waking up with Jace in his arms – no, actually, Simon already had gotten used to that.

"Mornin'...", mumbled Jace softly, tilting his head enough to look up at Simon.

It took Simon a moment to answer, because Jace was looking at him from beneath his lashes with those insanely beautiful golden-blue eyes. "G—Good morning, Jace. Slept well?"

"Uhu", grunted Jace before yawning widely. "You're pretty comfy for a dead guy."

"Thanks", snorted Simon a little amused. "Want breakfast?"

Jace grunted in disagreement. Simon knew that, if given the chance, Jace preferred to laze around in bed. Lately, they had started actually cuddling while awake. Whenever Jace would slowly wake up from the haze of sleep, he'd continue laying pressed against Simon until he'd be fully awake.

"You think they'll move Caroline to _The Originals_ now that VD is over?", asked Jace.

Simon chuckled amused, gently brushing Jace's hair out of the Shadowhunter's face. "Probably."

"They must", huffed Jace displeased. "Ending that awful relationship between Stefan and Caroline was like the only good thing about that otherwise awful final season of VD. Though, in all fairness, they should have just stopped when Elena left the show. Went downhill after that."

"I do not understand your hatred for Stefan and Caroline", laughed Simon. "I think they were cute."

"No", huffed Jace, glaring up at Simon as he crossed his arms on Simon's chest and rested his chin on them to better look at Simon. "They were _awesome_ best friends. That went totally downhill after they got together. All there was were misery, fighting, arguments and drama. Before that, they used to have a good time. They were a horrible couple, but they were great best friends. Not to mention that Klaus is totally Caroline's soulmate. They're perfect together. Sure, he's a monster and did horrible things in his life – but... even monsters deserve love. And she makes him better."

Somehow, that gave Simon some pause. Best friends who worked better as friends than they did as a couple, huh? Why did that sound a lot like Clary and him? And Simon knew Jace well enough to know that the blonde saw himself as a monster most the time, still. A monster that deserved love and could be better, would be better for those he loved. Wait. Did that make him Caroline...?

/break\

It had been a big mission. Not completely a success, but still. The team crashed, completely exhausted, at the next best burger place to grab something to eat. They had been had been working all day and hadn't eaten anything at all. They had gone to the Institute to report that the mission had been a success and asked Alec to report later because they were starving. The head of the Institute was more than happy to call it a night too and accompany them.

"I called Magnus. He'll come too", stated Alec as he slipped into the booth with the others.

Isabelle sat between Clary and Lydia, while Simon, Jace and now Alec sat opposite them. There were enough burgers, fries and milkshakes to feed the entire Institute. Alec was pleased to spend some private time with his friends again; they got to do that far too rarely these days.

"Your day's been long and exhausting too?", asked Lydia compassionately.

Alec offered a slightly forced smile. He was fond of her. Ever since she had come back from Idris, she had been a very trusted confidant and help for Alec. It was why he had put her onto a team with Jace once she had returned, because he needed _someone_ to watch out for Jace. Of course, it was perfect now that Jace, Isabelle, Clary and Lydia were officially a team. He knew he could trust Lydia to be the voice of reason among those three insane, impulsive people.

"You could say that. Dealing with the Inquisitor _and_ Aldertree?", grunted Alec pointedly.

"...Grandma was here?", asked Jace confused and turned to his parabatai.

Alec made a face at that. "Yeah. She was. She... didn't contact you?"

Jace shrugged, staring at his plate. "Guess she was too busy. Or something."

"Hah! Here. You need to try this. You wouldn't believe me that it's good", declared Simon.

Alec frowned a little displeased, until he caught on that Simon was trying to distract Jace before the blonde could spiral down into a thought-process that would involve 'Why didn't she want to see me? Is it because of me? Did I do something wrong?' and questions alike. His eyebrows nearly disappeared in his hairline at that. There was actually a second person aside from Alec who could read Jace well and fast enough to catch on with those kind of thoughts. His eyebrows wandered even farther up as he watched Simon _hand-feed Jace fries dripping with strawberry-milkshake_.

"Okay. Not... as bad as I thought", admitted Jace, slowly licking the milkshake off his lips.

"It's the combo. Salty and sweet. It just works", declared Simon with a broad grin.

"Ah. Are you talking about your sweet self and our salty, blonde Shadowhunter?", asked Magnus teasingly as he walked up to them and leaned in to kiss Alec. "Hello, darling. You got some room?"

Alec smiled into the kiss, before frowning, because the booth was pretty much maxed out with the six of them already. But his boyfriend just smiled mischievously and snapped his fingers, causing Jace to yelp. When Alec turned toward his parabatai, Jace was sitting on Simon's lap.

"There. I just cleaned up the bench a bit", declared Magnus pleased.

Alec scooted over, allowing Magnus to sit down next to him. So he wasn't the only one seeing something between Simon and Jace, then? Magnus was too? From the mischievous look on Isabelle's and Lydia's faces, those two also thought that there was something going on.

"You know, you could have just taken your boyfriend and put him on your lap", pointed Jace out.

"Where's the fun in that? No, wait, I take that back. You're right. There's a lot of fun in that."

Alec grunted as he was pulled half-way onto Magnus' lap, a bright blush lighting his face up. He turned a little, just to note that Jace was _still_ sitting in Simon's lap. But Alec could feel the nervousness and excitement through their bond – close to panic, really. No, Jace was most definitely not aware that something was going on there from both ends. He chanced a glance at Clary, stomach knotting in nervousness. Finally, after two months, things between Clary and Simon as well as Clary and Jace had gone back to normal. He didn't know what to do if this would throw things over again. There was pain in Clary's eyes, something sad and filled with loss, but there was still a small smile on her lips, as though she wished them happiness even if it didn't include her. Alec blinked slowly. That was more than he had been ready to grand Jace back when Clary had entered their lives. He respected her for that; not that he planned on telling her that.

/break\

"I... don't think that what I'd like to share really... has a place here", muttered Jace.

"Well, does it affect you? Do you want to talk about it?", questioned Phel gently.

"Yeah. To both of those", sighed Jace, slowly running a hand through his hair.

"Then it has room here", declared Phel with an encouraging smile. "What is it?"

"I think... I think I might have... feelings, for a... friend", drawled Jace slowly, shifting nervously. "I don't really know what to do with romantic feelings like that. I've ever only had... one crush. And that ended disastrously. Coincidentally, that crush was... his ex-girlfriend. And I don't even know if he would even consider feeling that way about _me_." Jace sighed and tilted his head back. "It was my sister who told me. I mean. She like shoved it into my face, asked me how long me and Simon had been a couple now. And I genuinely didn't understand what she was talking about. I... I _really_ thought that the way we behave around each other is just... the way we behave around each other. I'm... I'm not exactly an _expert_ on having friends, you see. Literally the only friends I ever had were my adopted brother and sister, with whom I used to share beds and cuddle all the time when we were kids. Simon and his ex were kind of... kind of the first real, actual friends I made outside of my adopted siblings. So... I'm not really familiar with how to behave around my friends. I thought the cuddling and affectionate behavior and stuff, that's just how Simon and I roll now. But my sister said that it's kind of... a bit much for just friends. And that got me thinking."

"And you think you _like_ him?", asked Joss curiously.

"Yes", choked Jace out, looking nearly ashamed. "He deserves better than that. It's an awful idea. It'll ruin not just our friendship, but also our work. We work together. And we're in a band together."

"Don't say things like those about yourself", chided Joss gently. "You're great. You deserve to be happy too, Jace. And if you like him, you should... at least talk to him. You owe that to yourself."

/break\

Simon was incredibly nervous as he climbed the stairs, with Jace right behind him. The two of them had been planning this road-trip together ever since they had started watching _The Originals_ now. Just the two of them, in a car, driving all the way to New Orleans to stay there for a couple days. They had deserved this little break. But when Jace had actually brought it up again and declared that they should really pull through with it, Simon's heart had leaped. His heart positively stopped beating in panicked dread when the lady behind the desk at the hotel apologized a hundred times that there had been a mix-up with their reservation and that they now had one queen-sized bed instead of two separate beds in their room. Simon blushed furiously when he entered their room. He never had a problem sleeping in a bed with Jace before, but since he realized that he was actually in love with Jace, he felt incredibly awkward about it, because he felt like a creep. Like he was using Jace. And Jace deserved better than that. Not to mention that it was a world of a difference to fall asleep on each other during a TV marathon compared to actually signing up for a double-bed and consciously going to bed together with Jace. Jace, who walked past him and just collapsed on the bed, arms spread out over his head, shirt riling up to reveal some of his sixpack.

"Du—ude, I'm so glad we decided to drive here early to get a night's sleep so we get to do stuff tomorrow morning", grunted Jace and yawned loudly. "Also, this bed is like heaven."

"Okay", nodded Simon flustered, trying not to look at Jace's sixpack.

After a couple minutes, Jace forced himself to sit up again so he could shrug off his jeans and pull his shirt off over his head, preferring to sleep in his boxers in this heat. Jace frowned and raised one eyebrow as he watched Simon pace and fidget. The vampire seemed to try to do _anything_ to avoid Jace or the bed. He was unpacking. Slowly. He kept glancing around the room, avoiding to look into Jace's direction. Why was his vampire being so much more awkward than normal? Sure, awkward was Simon's default-setting, but this was weird, even for him.

"Si? You coming to bed?", asked Jace softly, propping himself up some. "What's wrong?"

Simon blushed at the nickname and unwillingly turned to look at Jace, blush lighting up even more as he looked at the shirtless, gorgeous blonde. "N—Nothing's wrong. I'll, uh, be right there."

Jace frowned at the blatant lie and watched how Simon awkwardly tried to look everywhere but at the bed. "...Dude. Don't try and lie to me. You're way too bad at it. You... Do you have a problem sharing a bed with me? We've slept in the same bed like _so often_ now."

"Y—Yeah, but that was... falling asleep on each other. This is... uh... different", mumbled Simon.

He vaguely gestured toward Jace and the bed, making the blonde frown a little. Technically, Simon was right. So far, they had only slept in the same bed because Jace had fallen asleep during a marathon or during their writing-sessions. Jace frowned as he looked down at himself.

"I... can get dressed, if that makes you more comfortable? I'll sweat like a swine, but whatever."

"No! No, it's fine", exclaimed Simon before he sighed. "I'm sorry, it's just... It's nothing."

Jace's frown deepened. It was very clearly not nothing. His heart felt a little heavy as a thought crossed his mind. What if Simon had _caught on_ with Jace's feelings for the vampire? Was that why Simon had been nervous since Jace brought up their trip? Why Simon was now clearly avoiding being close to Jace? The thought hurt, but it wasn't quite a surprise.

"Look", sighed Jace softly, staring down at his lap. "I'm sorry, okay? I can... sleep on the floor."

"W—What?", asked Simon confused, frowning deeply. "What are you talking about?"

"If Iz caught on, you did... probably too", muttered Jace, folding in on himself just a little. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to... fall for you. But it happened anyway. I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want things to get awkward. Now they are anyway. I mean, I get that you don't wanna share a bed with a guy who's in love with you. I don't wanna make you uncomfortable, Si."

"What...? Guy who's in love with _me_?", echoed Simon a bit dumbly before sobering up. "You're...in love with me? A—And you think I'd... I'd avoid you because of that?"

Jace shrugged defensively. "I don't know. You're behaving weird. What am I supposed to think?"

Simon very slowly sat down next to Jace on the bed, his heart racing. Jace was in love with him? And now Simon had managed to make Jace think that Jace was making him uncomfortable? That was so not right. Frowning, Simon reached out to cup Jace's cheek gently and get his attention.

"I—I'm being extra-weird because I'm nervous. Because... Because _I_ am in love with _you_. And you're like literally in a bed, shirtless and gorgeous and it's taking me all my willpower not to just kiss you silly", admitted Simon nervously. "You're _not_ making me uncomfortable. I... I did not catch on with you having _feelings_ for me. If I had, I'd have done _this_ way earlier."

Gathering all the bravery he had, Simon leaned in very slowly, giving Jace all the time in the world to back out of the kiss. Instead, Jace leaned in too, until their lips met in a sweet, gentle kiss. They kissed slowly, until it grew more heated. Jace allowed Simon's tongue to slip into his mouth and explore, the blonde scooting closer to get more contact, until – by the time their kiss broke – Jace was seated comfortably on Simon's lap, straddling it. Simon's head was dark-red as he stared up at the blonde, enjoying the image of Jace in his lap way too much.

"So...", drawled Simon. "On the risk of sounding cheesy, but... do you want to be my boyfriend?"

Jace snorted amused before he leaned down again to peck Simon's lips. "Yeah, dork. I'd... I'd really like to be your boyfriend. And yes, that was totally cheesy. So... does that mean you'll be fine sharing a bed with me then? Because I'm seriously exhausted, you know."

"Yeah. Totally", confirmed Simon hastily, eyes trailing down Jace's torso. "Totally fine sharing a bed with my super-hot, super-gorgeous boyfriend. Wow."

"Yeah, wow. You're one lucky nerd", grinned Jace cheekily.

"Yes, I am", whispered Simon so honestly that it made Jace blush brightly.

/break\

"I can't believe you two are actually moving in together", grunted Alec doubtfully.

Jace grinned happily as he collapsed on the bed that Lydia and Alec had just finished building. Him and Simon had been dating for three months now and the two had decided to move in together, because Simon didn't want to spend eternity living in his childhood bedroom and Jace was kind of tired of intruding on Magnus and Alec's relationship and home. Their friends were more than happy to help them with moving – and a portal-creating warlock was so handy for that. Maia, Lydia, Isabelle and Clary were collapsed together against the closet, each with a cold beer in hand.

"Please be quiet, Alexander, otherwise he might change his mind and I am so looking forward to having my loft to myself again", chided Magnus seriously where he sat next to his boyfriend.

"I still can't believe that they're _dating_ ", grunted Maia, taking a long sip from her beer.

Simon glowered at her as he entered the bedroom and walked over to his boyfriend. Maia and Jace had what could be called a truce with a tentative sort of friendship that mainly consisted of insults. But hey – at least they weren't trying to kill each other anymore, Simon was grateful for the small things in life. He smiled as he sat down next to Jace and gently brushed the sweaty hair out of Jace's forehead before leaning down and placing a loving kiss on those full, pink lips.

"Hey there, boyfriend and roommate", grinned Simon. "You okay? You look exhausted?"

"I'm fine. Thanks for the portals, Mag, because if Alec and I would have had to carry that couch _up the stairs_ , I would so not be fine right now", replied Jace, turning to look at the warlock.

"Anything to get my loft and boyfriend back all to myself", countered Magnus teasingly.

"You do know that we now have shared custody of Alec and that he will be forced to spend time with me, here, away from you and your loft, right?", inquired Jace amused.

"Yupp. That's true, Mag. Sorry", agreed Alec seriously, nodding slowly and making Magnus groan.

"So, how about you grab your boyfriend right now and make best of the time you get? Also, take the girls with you too because I was kinda planning on breaking in the new bed", declared Jace.

Clary, Maia and Isabelle made choking and gagging noises while Lydia laughed amused and got up. It took their friends not even two minutes to clear out of the apartment, leaving a predatory Jace and a slightly flustered Simon on their own. Sometimes, Simon still couldn't believe how blunt and direct Jace could be about things, now that he was comfortable with them.

"So... breaking in the bed, huh?", asked Simon a little amused as he leaned over Jace.

"Ye—es. And the couch. And the kitchen-counter. And the table. You know, I think we should take like the weekend off so we can get everything properly broken in", mused Jace.

Simon snorted amused before stealing a slow, deep kiss from Jace. His hand sneaked beneath Jace's shirt, teasingly caressing that nice sixpack and pushing the offending shirt up more until he got to pull it off his blonde. Jace was more than cooperative, before he started tugging on Simon's clothes too. Once their clothes were off, Jace absentmindedly grabbed for his jeans back to get a small tube of lube out of the pocket, prompting Simon to laugh and shake his head.

"I swear, you're the horniest person on this planet", snorted Simon.

"Shut up. You love it", chided Jace with a glare. "Or I could go and jerk off instead."

"Don't you dare", huffed Simon offended, pinning Jace down and kissing him again.

Jace grinned very pleased at that, loving when he got Simon riled up like that. He shuddered a little as Simon lubed his fingers up and let them wander between Jace's legs. The blonde more than eagerly spread his legs for Simon, one arm around the vampire's neck. His other hand was lazily jerking Simon into full hardness while Simon was starting to prep Jace with gentle fingers.

"You're way too gorgeous", whispered Simon in awe as he placed kisses all over Jace's face and neck. "Wa—ay too gorgeous to be good for me. I don't think we'll get anything done in this apartment aside from fucking, if you keep being that tempting, you know."

The grin on Jace's lips broadened even more, making his eyes sparkle joyfully in that way that made Simon inherently happy. Simon loved complimenting and praising Jace, because it got him such cute, innocent reactions from his boyfriend. Carefully, Simon added a third finger and spread Jace more, making the Shadowhunter moan hoarsely as Simon nudged his prostate. Grinning pleased, Simon slowly pulled out and positioned himself at his lover's entrance. Jace gladly spread his legs even more in invitation. A drawn-out moan fell from Jace's lips as his vampire entered him. As always, Simon was slow and tender, patiently waiting while his not-so-patient lover was adjusting to the stretch of Simon's cock deep inside of him. Simon tried his best to distract Jace with kisses and teasing touches. Once Simon could feel Jace relax beneath him, he started moving at a slow pace, thrusting deep and brushing all the right places until Jace was a moaning mess beneath him. Simon _loved_ that. He loved seeing Jace fall apart like that, allowing himself to be so vulnerable around Simon. Smiling gently, Simon kissed his boyfriend and started jerking him off. His free hand wandered up to curl into Jace's hair, tugging just the slightest bit – knowing how much Jace liked that. With a whimper on his lips did Jace come into Simon's awaiting hand. Panting satisfied, Jace laid back to watch as Simon continued fucking him until the vampire also came.

"Hell, I love you", groaned Simon, peppering Jace's face with kisses. "So, so, _so_ much."

"I love you too, dork", chuckled Jace when Simon laid down next to him so Jace could snuggle closer to him and cuddle up to his boyfriend. "Our own place. Huh."

"Our own place", agreed Simon, arms around Jace. "What was that about breaking the place in?"

_~*~ The End ~*~_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bon Jovi's "I Want To Be Loved" is LITERALLY WRITTEN FOR JACE AND YOU CAN FIGHT ME ON THAT. Also. I love Bon Jovi. One of my favorite musicians and I don't have a lot of musicians I like. I can literally count them on one hand.
> 
> Ah. The dorks being awkward and then fiiinally getting together was fun to write :3 And meddling!Magnus is one of the best Magnus...es? Magni? Uhm. Mh. Whatever. Also, hard-headcanon on Magnus not subscribing to any label; show!Magnus especially since he's even mooore centuries old than book!Magnus. He's seen so many labels come and go and whatever; I don't think that he'd define himself like that
> 
> And Simon being totally in awe of dating Jace so much so that it flusters Jace is a thing I need in my life and in my Jimon, because as much as I love Jace's issues, I also support that Simon has issues. Mainly self-esteem. And him thinking Jace out of his league? Yeah, that's pretty much a thing.
> 
> Also. There will be more Jimon in the future. The ship has seriously grown on me~
> 
> (And yes, I love VD and TO and Klaroline is LIFE and OTP and needs to happen on Originals)


End file.
